Love Bird Alert™ and On The Rocks Alert: J. Lo alone and... back together with Ben Affleck?

Publications: People, Us Weekly, Weekly Life & Style, OK!
Date: 8 August 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! So, now that J. Lo and Marc Anthony are no more, do we care about how he's doing?

Please. Get serious. It's all J. Lo all the time on the covers of the magazines this week. Here are the stories about her whooping it up.

• People: J. Lo Solo: Her birthday without Marc
• Us Weekly: J.Lo Parties Post Split
• Weekly Life & Style: J. Lo's revenge

And then there's OK!, the nicest of the supermarket rags if not the most reliable, They say she's going to get back together with Ben Affleck.

• OK!: The plan to get Ben and J. Lo back together!
  Inside their private talks!
  All the intimate details
  Even J. Lo's mom is in on it!

Affleck isn't a fixture in the Only Ten Magazines That Matter, but there have been some stories about trouble in his marriage to Jennifer Garner.

Even if they are true, let me say this.

Ben. Buddy. I know we've never met and it's exceedingly unlikely you'll ever read this, but going back to J. Lo would be the worst move of your career, and I'm including Gigli and Smokin' Aces.

Kick a FRESH corpse, why don'tcha? Stories of Amy Winehouse's death.

Publications: People, National Enquirer, Star, Us Weekly, In Touch, OK!
Date: 8 August 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Amy Winehouse was a fixture in the British tabloids, but she was barely noticed in recent years on this side of the Atlantic until she died last week. Now there are six cover stories about her. Here are the headlines.

• OK!: Amy Winehouse's tragic death
  Her Last Interview (Exclusive)
• Us Weekly: Amy Winehouse - Her Lonely Last Days
• In Touch: Amy Winehouse - Her Final Interview
• Star: Amy Winehouse - Fight before fatal drug binge
• People: Amy Winehouse dead at 27
  Talent and Tragedy
  Her Final Days
  The singer's anguished life and why those who loved her could not prevent her tragic death
  "It was only a matter of time", said her mom
• National Enquirer: Amy Winehouse was pregnant when she died!

Stay classy, Enquirer!

Best wishes to the family and friends of Amy Winehouse, from a fan.

Bells Are Ringing Alert™: Kim picks the dress.

Publication: OK!
Date: 1 August 2011

Kim Kardashian's upcoming wedding is the only story from that family the Only Ten Magazines That Matter are interested in right now. This cover is from the middle of March before the official announcement was given to People, when OK! said she would be wearing Vera Wang.

They also said the wedding would rival William and Kate's, but I think we all know that's far fetched.

Love Bird Alert™ and On The Rocks Alert: More trouble in paradise over Brad's mystery woman.

Publication: OK!
Date: 1 August 2011

OK! is following up on their story from two weeks ago that Brad Pitt is flirting with some woman on the set of World War Z, a movie he is filming in Malta. She is an assistant and not an actress and it's allegedly causing a kerfuffle. Even at the OK! website, she does not have a name. Here are the new headlines.

• Angie can't take it: Brad's mystery woman!
• Shocking new photos inside
• They flaunt their happiness in public
• What she did to win Brad's trust
• Why Brad can't stop seeing her
  

On the rocks alert: The J. Lo - Marc Anthony break-up takes center stage.

Publications: People, OK!, Weekly Life & Style, In Touch, Star, Us Weekly, National Enquirer
Date: 1 August 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Easily the biggest story of the week is the divorce of Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony with mentions on seven of ten supermarket rag covers. Here are the headlines.

• People: : J. Lo and Marc Anthony: Their marriage explodes
  The real story
  Their constant fighting
  rumors of infidelity
  jealousy issues
  what's next?
• OK!: J Lo's divorce shocker!
  Marc's been seeing his sexy ex-wife!
• In Touch: J. Lo's agony
  Marc's jealous rage
• Star: Inside J. Lo's bitter $250 million divorce
  Sexless nights
  Other women, other men
  Final screaming match
• Weekly Life & Style: $300 M divorce
  The cheating rumors that tore them apart
• Us Weekly: Cheating and Lies
  Her side of the story
  Marc caught with stewardess
  Screaming fights about flirting with costars
  A secret e-mail to Ben Affleck
  His desperate need to control her
• National Enquirer: J. Lo caught!
  Did this photo end their marriage?
  

Bells Done Rung™ Alert: The wedding of Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo.

Publications: People, Weekly Life & Style, OK!, Us Weekly
Date: 1 August 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo got married in a quiet little ceremony that will be aired of TLC, a cable outfit that used to be The Learning Channel. They have since learned that dumb reality TV shows do better than actual educational stuff, so they give us this. Here are the headlines.

• People: Nick & Vanessa's wedding photos
  (Only in People)
• Weekly Life & Style: Nick & Vanessa's beach wedding
• Us Weekly: Nick & Vanessa's private island Wedding
  
• OK!: Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo get married
  

OK! did not have any cover art, which is an odd decision because they are a cute couple.

Best wishes to all concerned.

OK! parties at Ciroc Cabana Club.

Publication: OK!
Date: 25 July 2011

Welcome to gossip hell, Kellan Lutz! OK! boasts of "partying" at the Ciroc Cabana Club, a new hangout in the Hamptons.

I felt a little bad that I never heard of the place or the actor. This is because I am old.

Lutz has a role in the Twilight movies that requires him not to wear a shirt very much. He takes this role very seriously.

Bundle of Joy Alerts: A boy for Kate, a girl for Victoria

Publication: OK!
Date: 25 July 2011

Victoria Beckham had a baby girl, named her Harper Seven. This is her fourth child.

While she and her husband David Beckham are handsome people, I never thought they were good at maths. Fortunately, the silly name is a middle name and can be kept under wraps while at school.

Kate Hudson had a baby boy. Gave him the relatively normal name of Ryder Russell.

Best wishes to all concerned.

Problems With Plastic Alert: Mob Wives Renee's plastic surgery nightmare.

Publication: OK!
Date: 25 July 2011

Welcome to gossip hell, Renee Graziano! The show Mob Wives has been mentioned a few times already this year, but usually no names are given on the cover. This time, Mob Wife Renee is identified by name, and it's another bad plastic surgery story, a common ailment of reality TV stars.

Bun in the oven alert™?: Reese looks pregnant!

Publication: OK!
Date: 25 July 2011

OK!, the nicest of the supermarket checkout rags if not the most reliable, tells us little Reese Witherspoon looks pregnant. Here are the headlines.

• Breaking baby news
• First, a dream wedding - now Reese has another reason to celebrate!
  

I should remind my readers that if everything we read on the cover of OK! was true, we would know be hip deep in Kardashian rugrats.