Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™: Queen orders Camilla to stop bullying Kate!

Publication: Globe
Date: 8 August 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Sorry for the weird picture. I was trying to find a shot of all three of the women in this story, Liz Windsor, Camilla Parker-Bee-otch and Long Tall Katy all together at once and this is the best I could do.

So, the Queen herself has stomped her mighty hoof and asked for the end of the alleged Camilla-Kate unpleasantness.

Though honestly, let's be fair. if Buckingham Palace, the very old building with the very sensitive feelings, wants to end the Camilla unpleasantness once and for all, it might take a high speed paparazzi chase in a Paris tunnel, if you know what I mean.

On the rocks alert: Stedman betrays Oprah!

Publication: Globe
Date: 8 August 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Now that her TV show is ending, it's up in the air how much the gossip rags will care about Oprah Winfrey. Still, with this story she climbs back into the list of the Top Ten celebrities in the gossip rags, with almost all the stories in the Enquirer, Globe and the low rent Examiner. Here are this week's headlines.

• As her empire collapses Oprah betrayed!
• Her fury as Stedman spends afternoon with hot blonde!

"Hot blonde" is pictured but not named, and she does look good.

I see another camping trip in Oprah and Gayle's future.

And the camera noses in to the tears on his face: Jaycee stepdad's tearful plea

Publication: Globe
Date: 1 August 2011

Jaycee Dugard's stepdad pleads "Please don't abandon me!"

Because obviously, though he isn't blood kin, he's been through all the pain and trouble in this relationship.

I say "Do what you want, girl. It's your life now."

Hey Old Timer Gossip: Where are former soap stars now?

Publication: Globe
Date: 1 August 2011

Once again, the Globe makes clear who their target audience is: people who stay home and watch daytime TV and have done so for quite some time. They don't just do a story about soap opera stars, they have a story about former soap opera stars. On the cover are Gloria Loring, Jack Scalia, Amy Gibson and some little girl in a "Guess Who" picture who has gone on to have a career. I can't tell for sure who it is, and if you want to find out, you can get the magazine yourself.

She Fought The Law Alert™: This week's Casey Anthony stories

Publications: National Enquirer, Globe
Date: 1 August 2011

Two of the Three Wicked Step Sister tabloids are trying to keep the outrage over the Casey Anthony verdict fueled. Here are the headlines.

• National Enquirer: Casey loses $5 mil blood money deal after bitter public backlash
  Caylee's revenge!
  Plus: her new look revealed
• Globe: Casey Anthony: Proof she got away with murder!
  Former prosecutor's bombshell charge!
  Five key piece of evidence HIDDEN from jury
  PLUS: Judge banned shocking Casey video
  

Meanest Story nominee: Loretta Lynn heart attack nightmare!

Publication: Globe
Date: 1 August 2011

The months roll by, things come and go, but the constant is the dogs from the AMI kennel saying bad things about Miss Loretta Lynn. Now it's the Globe saying the country star and living legend is enduring a "heart attack nightmare".

Here's a tip about reading these headlines. The words "nightmare" and "drama" usually mean "this story is blown all out of proportion". Miss Loretta is now 79 years old, by no means a spring chicken but not as old as it used to be. The tabloids have been trying to kill her off for at least a year and a half.

Best wishes to Miss Loretta Lynn, her family and friends, from a fan.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Regis' shocking tell-all book!

Publication: Globe
Date: 25 July 2011

Only the two supermarket rags that have the lion's share of Hey Old Timer Gossip, the Globe and the low rent Examiner, think Regis Phiblin is a source of hot dish. This time it's the Globe who says their is a tell-all book, for which someone will be paid $10 million. It isn't clear on the cover whether he is the author or someone is ratting on him. Here are the headlines.

• Divorce bombshell
• Other women
• How he nearly died - THREE TIMES
• Inside: Shocking truth about Kathie Lee
  

It's official! William named king!

Publication: Globe
Date: 25 July 2011

Once again, the tabloids go forward with the rumor that Charles will be passed over and William will be king after his grandma dies. Note that Betty Windsor is only 85 and her mom lived to be a jillion. It's not a sure thing Charles will outlive her. Actually, it's not a sure thing Wills will outlive her.

That said, having someone pushed out of line for the throne without murder is really rare in British history.