Meanest story nominee: Celeste Holm's nightmare

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 8 August 2011

Welcome to gossip hell, Miss Celeste Holm! I loved her so much in movies that were made before I was born, like All About Eve and Champagne for Caesar. Well now, it's the low rent Examiner that tells us her family is squabbling about her money and she may lose her home.

The good news is that this is not a Brave Last Days alert for the Academy Award winning actress, who tuned 94 last April.

Best wishes to Miss Holm, her friends and whatever family members who are not trying to rob her blind, from a fan.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Problems With Plastic Alert: Plastic surgery confessions!

Publication: Star
Date: 1 August 2011
(photo nicked for exposay.com, copyright Chris Hatcher)

Another grab bag of celebrities who have gone under the knife are presented on the cove of Star this week. There are a couple of "Guess Who?" pictures, but as you know, I don't play that. A lot of the women are older stars barely of any interest to the tabloids. For example, Linda Evans get mentioned for the first time in at least two years and Madonna and Lisa Rinna (pictured above) get mentioned for the first time in 2011. Suzanne Somers and Nicole Kidman are also mentioned, common names when plastic surgery is the topic.

If any name on the list counts as a surprise at all, they say that Jennifer Aniston, the youngest person on the list by several years, has been under the knife twice. Star has floated this story before.

Hey Old Timer Gossip: Where are former soap stars now?

Publication: Globe
Date: 1 August 2011

Once again, the Globe makes clear who their target audience is: people who stay home and watch daytime TV and have done so for quite some time. They don't just do a story about soap opera stars, they have a story about former soap opera stars. On the cover are Gloria Loring, Jack Scalia, Amy Gibson and some little girl in a "Guess Who" picture who has gone on to have a career. I can't tell for sure who it is, and if you want to find out, you can get the magazine yourself.

Meanest Story nominee: Loretta Lynn heart attack nightmare!

Publication: Globe
Date: 1 August 2011

The months roll by, things come and go, but the constant is the dogs from the AMI kennel saying bad things about Miss Loretta Lynn. Now it's the Globe saying the country star and living legend is enduring a "heart attack nightmare".

Here's a tip about reading these headlines. The words "nightmare" and "drama" usually mean "this story is blown all out of proportion". Miss Loretta is now 79 years old, by no means a spring chicken but not as old as it used to be. The tabloids have been trying to kill her off for at least a year and a half.

Best wishes to Miss Loretta Lynn, her family and friends, from a fan.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Surprisingly nice headline of the week:R.I.P. Betty Ford

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 1 August 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! While People did a respectful cover story on Betty Ford last week, the low rent Examiner follows suit a week later. The headline reads "Courageous First Lady at Peace", and I have a hard time disagreeing with that.

I still count the low rent Examiner as one of the Three Wicked Step Sister tabloids, but to quote They Might Be Giants, I can declare them The Nicest Of The Damned.

Bad Dad Alert: James Brolin's son is homeless.

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 25 July 2011

The Enquirer threw a dart at a board full of celebrity names and decided to make James Brolin's life a living hell. Back in March, they reported on trouble in his marriage to Barbra Streisand, and now they have a picture of someone they say is Brolin's son, a big guy - they say 300 lbs., could be more - who looks developmentally disabled, who is now living out of his truck.

Before you ask, no, it's not Josh Brolin. Say what you will about him, he's not fat.